were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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