Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
