Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
