man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
