you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
