Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
