as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
