You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
