How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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