We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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