All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
