Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Vodka?
Forever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Randomize
