I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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