I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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