The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
