did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
