A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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