i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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