I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
