Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Terrible idea I love it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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