i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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