I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
