Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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