Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
