you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
