he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
