You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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