I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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