We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
