Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
