I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
