i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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