I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
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