He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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