my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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