...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
