I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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