Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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