I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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