I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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