I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
well you can't waste a boner
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize