I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize