Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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