then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
