normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
