Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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