can u get pink eye on your cock?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
