Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
