I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
