If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
