Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
