Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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