We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize