The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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