I smell stomach acid.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
