Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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