Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was like getting head from an anaconda
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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