Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
