Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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