OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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