My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
