you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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