Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
