i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
