I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
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As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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