Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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