I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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