No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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