What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
