I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
