soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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