wanna go halves on a baby?
too bad you live with your parents still
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
