Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
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