Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
