I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
