Don't make out with my wife yet
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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