Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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