just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize