If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
