why didn't you poke me back
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
