Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
