Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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