she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
