don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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