last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
