Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
