My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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