My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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