if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
